Well things sure are going good. Well mostly. I mean i am completely in love and in know she is too. We still spend time together, but something scares me. And in a word i can't place my finger on it. But i can describe it. She used to text me and think of me often. Now i know she doesn't text me often and i think she thinks of me less. She used to want to always spend the night and couldn't. Now she doesn't spend a lot of nights over though she can. Things felt right with her. And i suppose they still do, but something feels at the same time a little off. At first i thought it was self doubt. Then i thought it was the fact that she said she had feeling for another guy(upon which she repeatedly told me she wouldn't ever do anything with and that she still wants to marry me). I am suppose i am just scared... I need a hug, and a comforting voice.

All in

Well i suppose i am all in. And I'm scared. Like someone playing poker i have placed all my chips in and i think i have one hell of a hand, but no ones called to see yet. I'm crazy about her. Completely nuts! But I am so terrified that i will loss and get hurt that it's consuming my thoughts. I know she wants to marry me one day, which I am so so excited about. But by being so excited i am also really quite terrified. I mean ya i got straight flush, maybe even a Royal. But what if i am still beaten? What if i loss? I suppose i am just being insecure. I should probably just suck it up. But i what if that look did mean something? What if i really am in trouble. ITs almost to see and i just want to close my eyes. Oh please God help me.

An Apology

An apology I owe,
In earnest I owe more.
So I lay if all to show,
And I bear my soul to the core.

In affection I care,
More then what is healthy,
One day to love if I dare,
If neither of us in anger get to mouthy.

But I broke something in mass,
Of more value then gold,
And more breakable then glass,
And I may not get it back I'm told.

But before that decision is made,
One thing you should know,
I think of nothing but that first date,
And the smile you did show.

I feel only your eyes,
On me as I sleep,
And before this all dies,
I need you to think on something deep.

I would give it all up,
Just to touch you.
I would drink this bitter cup,
Just to know you,
For you I would start to live,
Just to spend time with you,
I would give all I have to give,
Just to please you.
I would go to the gates of Hell,
Just to release you.
I would do much more then I can tell,
All just to be with you.

But before that all comes to pass,
You I must convince,
That finally at last,
You found me... A your Prince.

Salvations Finish

An addiction runs through your blood suffocating,
You feed it with your hands on her
Thighs, your lips in her neck
And a new high as she breathes in your ear
A ear aware of her
Every Ragged breath
Every passionate moan
Every whispered confession.

Seeking redemption you fuel the fire,
Kissing,
Touching,
Feeling.
You grab at one another searching
Searching for your salvation in her
In the depths of her eyes
The smoothness of her tongue,
The soul of their embrace.
You plunge into their essence,
And them into yours,
Longing,
Groping,
Kissing
Clawing.
Finally you sense the light and start to run.
Running for the hope of heaven
For the fires of loneliness
To eternal chance
And the spark or sorrow the it brings
And finally you finish.
Finish searching,
Finish longing,
Finish...
In each others arms.

Friendship with Death

I stumbled into Death the other day
And Death said " What fine weather we have"
I did not know what to say
Thanks, bugger off, or on who's behave?
But Death just smile and walked away.

I saw death again just a few days back
He just smiled and bowed down low
And I could not help but see upon his heart a crack
And to think I still don't know
Oh the wisdom I lack.

Death called on me a few nights ago
Knocked on my door and asked to come in
I frightfully declined and asked him to go
Knowing I wonder which is the greatest sin?
But now I suppose I have experience to show.

I saw him in his new bed
When I went to his funeral
And as I gazed on his bald head
I had a epiphany, though in renewal
For I starred at me being dead.

gray With a Tan

gray With a Tan is the only color for me,
Simply I am a fan, and I always going to be,
The first man to drop down for her on a knee.
Gray is complex color of a twisted feeling,
It brings out my insincerities that I have been wheeling,
It kills me to see what it is I have been doing.
gray With a Tan is where I want to be.

Tan is a shade that adds to me flavor.
It's like a blade that cuts my fever.
Oh I would run a country just to see her.
Tan is a color that to me brings,
A sense of what’s more then just a two rings,
It builds and breaks and whispers things,
Like gray With a Tan is where I should to be.


(Ok. So this poem sucks. Ya I know it. But I felt like i should write so i did. My appologies to those who actually read it.)

Reallly just thoughts

I miss your smile,
Your smell,
The way you look at me,
The way you make me feel.
I want you,
To be with me,
To cuddle,
To tell me it's alright,
I just want you.
I want to know you,
The way you think,
The way you feel,
And the way you act.
I crave the way you,
Move,
Speak,
And the way you laugh.
Can I be the one,
Who can call you his own?
Who gets to come to you?
The one who shares there soul with you.
Can I have you?